i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
