Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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