At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
