Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
