cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
