I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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