If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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