Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
