I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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