the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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