Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
