birth control should be required to get into college
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
