I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
