I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
