we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
