the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
