and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
