Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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