just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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