positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
