Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
