Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He has the fingertips of a God
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
