My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
