maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
