i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
