The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
