Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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