but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
