also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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