The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
