come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
