I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he told me I talked like a deaf person
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Randomize
