I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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