ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So vagazzling was a success
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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