Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
