you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
