I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
