Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
