so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
