I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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