Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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