it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
