There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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