hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
