dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
