so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
