She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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