she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize
