part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
