I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think your dad took our porno
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
