I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
