i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
